Changing Your Head

Earlier this week, my daughter Mia woke up on what she refers to as the wrong side of the bed. She proceeded to bury herself under the bedclothes, making it quite clear to anyone who approached what kind of mood she was in. The rest of the family decided to tread carefully and wait until the storm had subsided.

Half an hour later, the sun had come out over Mia's bed. She emerged, dressed, ready for breakfast, all smiles and happy hellos.

“Wow, Mia!” I exclaimed. “What’s happened? You’re in a completely different mood!”

She then explained how she had decided to ‘change her head’, switching from her ‘bad-mood’ to her ‘good-mood brain’. She said that some people did it via a flap, but that she was able to make this change happen at will, without using her hands, “or anything at all”.

As a coach, trainer and NLP practitioner, I’m fascinated by the possibility of choice, our ability to select, from a myriad of options, what to think and how to respond to situations that come our way.

And I’ve noticed that children, when they put their mind to it, seem to do this quite naturally, as a route to happiness, comfort or a way out of frustration.

The key to our feelings

One book that Mia loves is The Soul Bird, by Michal Snunit (thank you for the gift, Esther Goodyear!). It describes the human soul as a little bird who lives deep inside all of us. This special bird can open and close the drawers of our soul, and each of the drawers houses a different feeling.

The book’s a brilliant way of helping children to articulate their emotions and a simple lesson that, in the end, our reactions are just drawers, which we can open and close, at will.

What I love about small children is the ‘cleanness’ in which they move through emotions. For Mia, once the storm had passed, all she could see was the sunshine: the bad mood had washed away.

And so perhaps the key is not only to choose which drawers to open, but also to make sure that once one drawer is open, we decide to fully immerse ourselves in it, have a good rummage around and enjoy the feeling that we’ve chosen to have.

How to change your head

·         Spend some time observing how you, and the people around you, respond to situations

·         Notice when you feel in control of your reactions, and when you feel like situations are controlling you

·         Try using the drawer metaphor – or create one of your own – to enhance your ability to select how you feel

·         Watch how children process information and deal with challenges. What else could we learn from them?

This article also appears as Kaizen Training's Tip of the Week: www.kaizen-training.com/

Twist or Stick: escaping from the limbo-land of indecision

I recently went along to an evening seminar with Robert Dilts called Twist or Stick. He talked about, as in the card game, we are continually faced with choices to either act, or not act. He observed that people may be more prone to ‘twist’, take action, get things done, be proactive. Or, they may be more likely to ‘stick’, hold back, not act, stay cautious.

When viewed objectively, it’s clear that in life, both are necessary. Twisting propels us forward. However, if we are constantly taking action, we run the risk of burning ourselves out. Sticking protects us, it allows time for reflection and keeps us safe. But if we spend our whole life this way, we can limit our potential in the world.

The point here is that we have a choice. Whether we choose to act or not act, there will always be the opportunity to learn, from both our successes and our failures, irrespective of the outcomes.

But what do you do when you don’t know whether to twist or stick? Sometimes, both options are compelling. Sometimes, acting and not acting feel like they have scary consequences. When you’re stuck this kind of limbo-land, it can be hard to decide what to do.

Following Einstein’s principle that you can’t solve a problem with the same thinking that created the problem in the first place, Robert took us through three perspectives which together can help you step out of the ‘box of indecisiveness’.

·         Position 1: what do you want to do/not do? Why do you want to do it/not do it? What does that feel like?

·         Position 2: what stops you/compels you to do it/not do it? Why is that? How do you experience that?

·         Position 3: what is worth taking the risk to either act/not act? When have you taken a risk in the past and how did you experience that?

·         And finally: what fresh insights does Position 3 bring to Positions 1 and 2 and what does that enable you to do/not do?

Since the seminar, I have decided to twist on a situation that had been paralysing me for some time. I have had the most productive week all year. Beyond taking action – which was a big leap in itself – I realised that I have the choice and that whichever choice I make, I will still be here, time will continue to pass, it will be OK. 

Robert finished by quoting a poem called Sometimes, which elegantly offers hope and I hope will encourage you to make a conscious choice in whatever card game you’re playing at this point in your life.

Sometimes

Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes step back from war;
elect an honest man; decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen to you

At Zomi Communications, we design and deliver leadership programmes that inspire people to locate and release their inner excellence. We work with individuals to uncover their own leadership style and apply it to motivate and inspire others. Antoinette offers one to one coaching, for business and individuals.

For further information about our training and coaching solutions, go to:  

www.zomicommunications.co.uk

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