Twist or Stick: escaping from the limbo-land of indecision

I recently went along to an evening seminar with Robert Dilts called Twist or Stick. He talked about, as in the card game, we are continually faced with choices to either act, or not act. He observed that people may be more prone to ‘twist’, take action, get things done, be proactive. Or, they may be more likely to ‘stick’, hold back, not act, stay cautious.

When viewed objectively, it’s clear that in life, both are necessary. Twisting propels us forward. However, if we are constantly taking action, we run the risk of burning ourselves out. Sticking protects us, it allows time for reflection and keeps us safe. But if we spend our whole life this way, we can limit our potential in the world.

The point here is that we have a choice. Whether we choose to act or not act, there will always be the opportunity to learn, from both our successes and our failures, irrespective of the outcomes.

But what do you do when you don’t know whether to twist or stick? Sometimes, both options are compelling. Sometimes, acting and not acting feel like they have scary consequences. When you’re stuck this kind of limbo-land, it can be hard to decide what to do.

Following Einstein’s principle that you can’t solve a problem with the same thinking that created the problem in the first place, Robert took us through three perspectives which together can help you step out of the ‘box of indecisiveness’.

·         Position 1: what do you want to do/not do? Why do you want to do it/not do it? What does that feel like?

·         Position 2: what stops you/compels you to do it/not do it? Why is that? How do you experience that?

·         Position 3: what is worth taking the risk to either act/not act? When have you taken a risk in the past and how did you experience that?

·         And finally: what fresh insights does Position 3 bring to Positions 1 and 2 and what does that enable you to do/not do?

Since the seminar, I have decided to twist on a situation that had been paralysing me for some time. I have had the most productive week all year. Beyond taking action – which was a big leap in itself – I realised that I have the choice and that whichever choice I make, I will still be here, time will continue to pass, it will be OK. 

Robert finished by quoting a poem called Sometimes, which elegantly offers hope and I hope will encourage you to make a conscious choice in whatever card game you’re playing at this point in your life.

Sometimes

Sometimes things don't go, after all,
from bad to worse. Some years, muscadel
faces down frost; green thrives; the crops don't fail,
sometimes a man aims high, and all goes well.

A people sometimes step back from war;
elect an honest man; decide they care
enough, that they can't leave some stranger poor.
Some men become what they were born for.

Sometimes our best efforts do not go
amiss; sometimes we do as we meant to.
The sun will sometimes melt a field of sorrow
that seemed hard frozen: may it happen to you

At Zomi Communications, we design and deliver leadership programmes that inspire people to locate and release their inner excellence. We work with individuals to uncover their own leadership style and apply it to motivate and inspire others. Antoinette offers one to one coaching, for business and individuals.

For further information about our training and coaching solutions, go to:  

www.zomicommunications.co.uk

 or call:

(00) 44 208 650 6087

Great Customer Service... the Mary Portas way

I love Mary Portas.  I love her style, her no-nonsense approach and her business savvy. What I’ve loved about her latest series, Mary Portas: Secret Shopper, is that she’s moved beyond the shop environment and into the customers’ world.

It's been a one-woman crusade to change the way people in Britain shop: raising our expectations of what the shopping experience should be all about and raising the bar on customer service. 

And what’s been the secret to great customer service, according to Mary? Her main point is that understanding what your customers want and giving them the service that they want is all about great listening. 

And, IMHO, that holds true whether you are selling a product or delivering a service to a client.

Being on a bit of a soapbox myself about effective listening (see 1 February blog, Are you really listening?), I thought I’d pick out a couple of Mary Mantras from last week’s episode, where she talks about great customer service to Fone House staff.

“The most important thing is the question... You’re assuming. You’re not listening, you’re telling.  And that is the problem all the time”           Mary, when talking to ‘H’, self-styled ‘Mr Big’, Larmborghini driver and owner of a Fone House franchise

“Maybe when you feel you’ve got to do the sale, [that’s what creates] the pressure. Whereas, if you genuinely approach the customer wanting to give them the solution because you have the knowledge, that puts you in a much more confident and powerful position. People don’t want hard sell. They don’t like it. They want people to be themselves” Mary, to a member of staff at the Islington Fone House branch

Although Mary relishes in her reputation as a tough-talker, she actually cares deeply about helping people to get it right.  And if you watch her when she’s working with people, she’s not scary at all. She’s getting to know them, sympathising, asking lots of questions and putting them at their ease. Once people are in that position of trust, they are then in the best possible position to receive her specialist advice. Which, ultimately, is what great customer service is all about.

At Zomi Communications, we design and deliver communications, management and leadership programmes that inspire people to locate and release their inner excellence. We work with individuals to uncover their own style and apply it to motivate and inspire others. For further information about our training and coaching solutions, go to www.zomicommunications.co.uk

To share your secrets for great customer service, tops tips for great selling and thoughts on effective listening, please comment on the blog.  Or email me at antoinette@zomicommunications.co.uk

To watch all of the Mary Portas: Secret Shopper episodes, go to http://www.channel4.com/programmes/mary-portas-secret-shopper and look out for this week's episode, Wednesday 9^th February, 9pm, Channel 4. 

Are you really listening?

I’ve been struck over the past week by how many people have expressed frustration at not being heard – by their boss, team members, business contacts, family or significant other. I’ve also been conscious of the number of times I haven’t given loved ones the attention they deserve, because I’ve been wrapped up in my own thoughts or busy doing three things at once...

Being heard, understood and respected for our point of view is a fundamental human right. But so often, we get distracted, and – intentionally or not – don’t take the time to really listen to what’s being said. This can lead to frustration, resentment and, eventually, disengagement: not good, whether it’s with colleagues or loved ones.

So what can we do to have more productive conversations?

The first step is to change our own approach to communication. Demonstrate our commitment to really listening and invite the people around us to do the same.

Here are some other ideas for productive conversations, based on the coach approach to communication, which recognises three levels of listening. They’ve made a big difference to the way I relate to the people around me. Why not try them out for a couple of days, and see what difference they make to you?

·         Switch on: if the conversation is worth having, make your mind up to give it your full attention: get your mind, body and spirit ‘in the room’

·         Focus your attention: eliminate as many distractions as you can: put your Blackberry down, switch off the TV, move away from other people’s conversations

·         Connect: take your time to observe not only what the person is saying, but how they are saying it. Does their body language support their words, or are their eyes, facial expression or posture telling a different story?

·         Build rapport: notice their own unique way of communicating; what metaphors are they using? Do they come across as a predominantly visual, auditory or kinaesthetic? Try to see the world through their eyes and you will naturally start to communicate in the same way as they do

·         Open up: be curious about what’s going on in their world. Keep an open mind and avoid jumping to conclusions or finishing their sentences off for them

·         And finally... respond!  There’s a whole range of ways in which we can get our point across in a meaningful way, some of which I will talk about in future blogs. What’s key for me is that, once you understand where the other person is at, the more likely you are to say something that they’re interested in and the more likely you are to share a meaningful conversation.

“To be listened to is a striking experience, partly because it is so rare. When another person is totally with you – leaning in, interested in every word, eager to empathise – you feel known and understood. People open up when they know they’re really being listened to; they expand; they have more presence. They feel safer and more secure as well, and trust grows” Laura Whitworth, et al Co-Active Coaching

At Zomi Communications, we design and deliver leadership programmes that inspire people to locate and release their inner excellence. We work with individuals to uncover their own leadership style and apply it to motivate and inspire others. Antoinette offers one to one coaching, for business and individuals. For further information about our training and coaching solutions, go to www.zomicommunications.co.uk

To share your thoughts and recommendations, please comment on the blog, or email me at antoinette@zomicommunications.co.uk. I look forward to hearing from you! 

Seeking Inspiration: Leadership and the Entrepreneurial Spirit

A couple of months ago, I conducted some research via my LinkedIn groups into which books people would recommend about leadership and the entrepreneurial spirit. I created a fictitious bookshelf, and asked them to tell me which books should go in it, and why. Within a couple of weeks, I’d received over 60 recommendations, from over 20 people, in ten countries. 

The books ranged from classic tomes by authors like Stephen Covey, to more unusual finds. One of the most recommended was Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, a story of one man’s fight for survival in Auschwitz. There was Ernest Shacketon’s South, about his final expedition to the Antarctic and Anita Roddick's The Body Shop Book. We had Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist and Ricardo Semler's Maverick, about how he rebuilt his father's businesses in Brazil to a point where the workforce 'ran' themselves. 

My ‘new bookshelf’ is now groaning with the weight of all those books, and although I haven’t had the time to read them all, I have spent an inspirational weekend investigating the top five and can now offer some insights into what the authors believe are the magical ingredients that ignite leadership and the entrepreneurial spirit. Here goes...

1.   The Power of Choice, even during the most challenging times: "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way" (Victor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning)

2.   The Power of Emotional Intelligence: “The fundamental task of leaders... is to prime good feelings in those they lead. That occurs when a leader creates resonance – a reservoir of positivity that frees the best in people” (Daniel Goleman, The New Leaders)

3.   The Power of People: “Leaders of companies that go from good to great start not with ‘where’ but with ‘who’. They start by getting the right people on the bus, the wrong people off the bus, and the right people in the right seats” (Jim Collins, Good to Great) 

4.   The Power of ‘You’: “Those aspiring to leadership need to discover what it is about themselves that they can mobilize in a leadership context. They need to identify and deploy their own personal leadership assets” (Goffee and Jones, Why Should Anyone Be Led by YOU?)

5.   The Power of Presence: “To live life to its full potential, you really need to allow yourself to return to the positive presence you were born with. This presence will make you safer, more compassionate and less bored or negative. It will make you more successful, more joyful and loving. It will change how you engage with others; how you look, listen, feel and learn” (Patsy Rodenburg, Presence)

Leadership is a subjective concept and what works for one individual will not necessarily work for another. I have had the privilege of working with some great leaders during my career in communications and in my work as trainer and coach. They have all displayed some of the characteristic described above, as well as a myriad of other inspirational qualities. I have noticed one characteristic that unites them all: The Power of Curiosity – the relentless ability to seek out new ideas and opinions, keep an open mind, remain open to learning.

There is a wealth of books out there about leadership for you to choose from. Which ones will you choose as you build your leadership style for 2011?

Thank you to all those who contributed their recommendations - happy reading! 

The Top Five

Title	Author
Man’s Search for Meaning	Frankl, Victor
The New Leaders	Goleman, Daniel
Good to Great	Collins, Jim
Why Should Anyone be Led by YOU?	Goffee & Jones
Presence	Patsy Rodenburg

At Zomi Communications, we design and deliver leadership programmes that inspire people to locate and release their inner excellence. We work with individuals to uncover their own leadership style and apply it to motivate and inspire others. For further information about our training and coaching solutions, go to www.zomicommunications.co.uk

For a complete list of all the recommended books, to share your own recommendations or simply to share your thoughts, please comment on the blog, or email me at antoinette@zomicommunications.co.uk. I look forward to hearing from you!